Emotional Hangovers

Because Tequila Has Nothing on Heartbreak

When you go through a life-altering event like divorce, you don’t just hit bottom; you slam into it. Hard. The everyday life I was barely holding together? Poof! Annihilated. Like it never even existed. And maybe that’s the point. Sometimes losing everything familiar is the only way to truly face yourself. The patterns I was bound to, those old coping skills, the deflection, the projection, even the anger. They felt like old friends, but really, they were keeping me stuck.

Then comes the crash. The 90-mph-into-a-brick-wall kind of crash, when your marriage explodes into a million little pieces. Suddenly, you’re forced into newness. The way you once navigated your world doesn’t work anymore. It’s like when you log into your Netflix account and see what your ex is watching with his new flame. Gut punch. But it forces a reset.

And just like a Saturday-morning hangover, the emotional ones hit even harder.
They sneak up. They flatten you. They make you rethink every choice you ever made.

I leaned all the way into emotional hangovers. Brutal, every time.

But here’s the thing: if you can survive an emotional hangover, you start to realize you can survive yourself. You can sit in the mess, feel every wave of it, and still move through, like a queen. So maybe next time you’re about to order that old-fashioned, remind yourself: if I can handle how vomit-y I’ll feel tomorrow morning, I can handle my emotions, too.

According to Charlie Health, “An emotional hangover … is the aftermath of a traumatic or otherwise draining emotional encounter.” It can make you feel mentally and physically depleted, akin to an alcoholic hangover, even though no alcohol was consumed.

Now, several years post-divorce, I’ve got this ritual down like I won Wimbledon on a random Tuesday. After all those emotional hangovers, I learned to make space for processing instead of numbing out.

It’s not cracking open a Mexican Coke and crushing Shake Shack cheese fries at 9 a.m., that cure belongs to last night’s regret.

I’ll never forget the first time I realized, oh shit, I need to pause. To figure out how to process this. To actually sit with it. Total paralysis. Something happens that strips away all your familiar crutches, and suddenly you have no choice but to face it all. Everything becomes so fucking clear, like putting in brand-new contacts.

So there I was, sitting on my bed in my post-divorce house, thinking: Oh my god. I’m gonna have to actually start working through this. It wasn’t some grand life event…that “one” was already in major process mode with the professionals; it was a dumb little text from a guy I was dating, but my old patterns rose straight to the surface. And the beautiful thing was: I could name it. Oh hell yeah. And that’s the key.

No one wants to sit in any type of hangover. However, knowing when you’re in the midst of an emotional one and recognizing the full-blown tipping point can be one of the most powerful acts of self-awareness. So lean in, baby. Let’s walk through what happens…

When do emotional hangovers hit?
Really, after any traumatic or emotionally loaded event, big or small.

A breakup
A loss or death
An accident
A painful text
A work exchange
A misunderstood email
A fight with your partner, family, or friends
Getting ghosted
The kind of silence that feels louder than words
A rejection: romantic, professional, or social
Financial stress or a sudden bill you weren’t expecting (hello, surprise lawyer invoice)
Hearing news you weren’t ready for
Old wounds resurfacing in therapy
Even good overwhelm, like weddings, births, or huge life changes
Scrolling social and seeing something you wish you hadn’t

Basically, anything that hijacks your nervous system, cracks open old patterns, or just knocks the wind out of you can set off an emotional hangover.

What it shows up as…
Paralysis
Brain fog
Fatigue
Dissociation
Headaches
Anxiety
Ruminating
Isolation

Look, I’m no doctor. But when healing comes swinging, this is the aftermath.

How it showed up for me in the beginning…
It was a lot of: huh? really? hmm? for real? are you fucking kidding me? oh, hell no.
Cue the phone calls to my girlfriends. Long baths. Cocooning in bed. Bad TV on repeat. Protecting my energy. Guarding my space, my sleep, my quiet. Journaling every exchange. Pulling tarot cards. Writing through the moments when I just wanted to shut down and go silent.

How I coped and still do…
I leaned all the way in.

Brutal, yes. But the real power is in walking out of the mess anyway. Honestly, it still beats a 2 a.m. last call.

And here’s the thing: “emotional hangover” isn’t even in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Yet.
Maybe it’s time we invite them to the party…